luckymomma

Having kids changes friendships. If, like me, many of your friendships were work-based, and, like me, you don't go back to work, you need replacements. While it's nice to think that you'll stay in touch, it's tough to do. You're all wrapped up in the color and frequency of a very small person's poop, and your former coworkers are buzzing about the new manager and whether he's gay or not.

Finding new momma friends feels a little like dating. First, there's compatibility. Is her baby the same age? Is she? And how similar do your parenting styles have to be? I'm a sling-wearing, breastfeeding, cosleeping kind of momma. If she's a formula-feeding, cry-it-out sort, will we get along?

Then there's the approach. It's easiest if you have someplace (like Gymboree class or a playgroup) where you see each other a few times. Then someone has to suggest getting together outside that forum. There's the fear of rejection, as well as the sinking feeling as you realize, halfway through the play date, that the conversation isn't going to move beyond the latest Baby Einstein DVD and whether to preregister for preschool.

But maybe it's a match. The two of you have gone on several "dates," and everyone's glowing. The babies even like each other! The final hurdle is the couples get-together. This is really the holy grail: to find a couple you and your husband both like who have a child the same age as yours. Then you and your husband can begin to rebuild your tattered shell of a social life. Under slightly different terms, but there are backyard barbecues and trips to Disney and whiffle ball games awaiting...